Grief & Loss
for Caregivers
Within my motherhood therapy, I offer grief and loss support for those who have experienced a loss of any kind within the perinatal period.I can offer individual therapy and couples grief therapy (focusing only on coping with the loss not marital or relationship issues). ​
I recognize that your world has been turned upside down, and the shock of your loss can feel both surreal, overwhelmingly heavy and deeply complicated to say the least. I am hear to support your grieving journey whatever it looks like. If you feel ready to delve into the impact of this loss, we will gently navigate the pain you are experiencing to find a way out of deep despair and anguish or just make sense of the loss. My hope is that, together, we can embark on a journey toward healing and forge a path forward that is filled with hope.
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"We are healed by suffering only by experiencing it to the full"
-Marcel Proust
Coping with Grief
after Maternal Loss
The loss of early life, however it occurred, can feel deeply distinct from other losses because it is the loss of future rather than the past. Therefore, we must hold the experience with special regard and care. There are also unique challenges that can present themselves for those who have experienced maternal loss including the social expectations of how you "should" process the grief and how to "move forward", which can create isolation, despair and shame. The way you experience grief will be unique, complicated, and of course non-linear and will have it's own path. But the one thing all grief has in common is it must be fully felt & honored for it to be transformed into moments of solace and pain relief. Below I offer simple and helpful ways to manage your grieving experience while you determine what kind of extra support you need.
One Moment at a Time
To ease suffering, living in short moments can make life manageable. This looks like, "what will I do for the next 30 minuets or hour?" When we begin to think about the far off future we can feel overwhelmed by the grief.
Attend to Basic Needs
With living in the short term, you can also meet your basic needs easier. Focusing on your body's primary needs can help you manage life (drinking water, eating small meals, showering). It can manage the feeling of being out of control and give a sense of order in time of shock an chaos.
Know the Difference Between Isolation and Solitude
When grieving, it can feel lonely when other don't understand what you are going through. You can feel isolated even around others, which can also result in you choosing to stay away from people. Isolation is source of shame and feeling like you or your emotions don't belong. When we are isolated we need more connection that foster belonging.
Solitude is a chosen time to be with yourself. It often a source of strength for self-reflection and to be yourself. This can be time to journal, tune-inward with soothing music, using art to express yourself and be in mother nature or just be in a resting place with a good, comforting show.
Honoring the Loss
Rituals & ceremony can offer a potent sense of closure and offer a gift of peace and acceptance. Humans have been practicing different intentional rituals to help bring loved ones together in honoring the life that has been lost. This can be simple gestures such as planting a tree, creating a memory alter in the home, or even gathering your loved ones in a special place to speak words of sorrow.
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This can be done on your own time as their no rush and there is no right way to utilize this tool. I like to think about in terms of how do you want
to feel during and after the ritual rather what are you going to do during the practice.
Find a Place to Fall Apart
Society often wants people to hide or silence their grief. Therefore it's important to find a safe place away from feeling judged to fully fall apart. Tears are meant to fall and offer a sense of release. This can happen in shower, out in nature, or with your animal companion. It can also be with a loving person who can weep along side you.
Know Grief Comes in Waves
The painful feelings of deep sorrow, despair and anguish are often only felt in moments and come in waves. Our human psyches can only endure so much pain, therefore we often naturally move in and out of feeling something different.
Therefore, It's normal to feel numb, anger, indifference, or even tiny moments of solace or a desire to focus on something else besides the loss. However, it's important to be aware of how you are trying to feel something different.
Sometimes we will move towards radical behaviors such as coping through avoidance (i.e alcohol, isolating from others), which is something to notice and could be a ready sign for extra support.
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Other times, we can know each moment will bring a different emotional landscape with possible dueling emotions at the same time (sadness and anger) and we can allow them to show up and then pass- just like an wave in the ocean.